SAM sAYS…

"Its people like you that give mackperquakinloofing a bad name!"

"somewhere, right now, in an alternate universe, I am receiving an academy award for best special effects sound editing in a short film, and you are having sex with a llama."

"I stay fat and out of shape just so I don't accidently have gay sex."

"when I have conquered the world I will reward you for your friendship.  I shall give you Minnisota."

"why did you want that? ...answer me damnit, I have a death ray."

"If I had a nickel for every time I said that, well, I wouldn't have any nickels. Except for the nickels I aquired through other means."

Sam: I spoke to god about it.

Squish: well since your atheist i give that "talk" less than zero credit =P

Sam: agnostic

Squish: whatever=P

Sam: I think God is agnostic, too.  He didn't really seem sure of himself.

"I hate the internet...I went to yahoo.com and did a search for my soul mate. couldn't find her. I'm so depressed...What if soul mates don't exist?...what if mine doesn't speak english?...what if she died last year?..."

"I put on white makeup and yelled at a deaf man. As far as he knew, I was a mime."

"Ehh, soulmates are overrated."

"I'm everybody's collective imaginary friend."

"If God really wrote the Bible, why hasn't he come out with a revised edition?"

"They told me I was crazy... but what do cheerios know?"

"Well, I wish I could help you.  But I'm not going to shoot you."

"I can't feel my penis!!!! Oh wait... there it is. Wait!!! That's not MY penis! Oh wait... no, I was wrong... it is.... it just looks funny in this little hat."

"There are only three types of people who will tell you they're 100% secure about their masculinity. Idiots, liars, and lesbians."