'R' rAtED

newish:

"And somewhere god is saying, 'I shouldn't have put those things so close together... look at all these poor, confused people." --anonymous, on anal sex

"Every time you masturbate... God kills a kitten.  Please, think of the kittens." -poster

"we cuddle AFTER we fuck, BITCH"

-ben mccoy

never get a blowjob from a dragon unless you like your weiners grilled --josh rosenthal

TheMuffinMan79: did you ever wonder if april o'neill was banging any of the ninja turtles?

squish4dummies: no, but i thought the idea of four teenage males living together in a condensed secluded area was somewhat arousing

SquishToGo: well go look up times, i'm a lazy dick

SquishToGo: and would rather be stroking mine

TheGryg: well nobody wants a lazy dick

SquishToGo: lol

SquishToGo: exactly!  that's why i have to stroke it!

"becca, what is pepe doing between your breasts?"
-squish

"he comes with the detachable penis in varying lengths. Kind of like a Mr. Potato Head...only they call it just 'Mr. Head'."
-random guy online

"i was wondering how long it would take you to notice i was wearing your bra."
-squish, to becca

"you can have all kinds of fun sex with quadriplegics."
-becca


oldish:

"i've had sex with people and during the middle of it, all i thought was, 'what am i doing?' but you have to finish."
--scott wolf

"yeah, ogres flying out of schoolgirls' pussies isn't exactly disney material." -me

"Listen to me kid, the Bar Mitzvah's bullshit. You're not really a man till you fuck two girls at once."
- from Black People Hate Me and They Hate My Glasses

"This is pretty cool, i usually just post nudies of myself."
--Yahoo gay poetry club member, at the end of a post of some poetry he wrote

"You make me feel tingly in my special spot." --Josh Rosenthal

"Actually, I heard that Kevin seduced Freddie Prinze Jr. and they were fucking each other up the ass while puppies sucked their dicks, so yeah, I guess you did miss a lot, huh?"
-Josh Rosenthal

"So if you had a clone of me would you fuck it?"
-Scott

"Here's the deal. Take your average penis. It goes about its average day doing average things. Rob's Penis is something special, real special. Rob's Penis gets sponsors, commercial spots, Its own phone line. Rob's Penis has it's own fan club. Im a member. We're forgiving you because you're foreign, but frankly we can only put up with this kind of anti-Rob's-Penis impunity for so long." --Kevin Galvin

squish303: dan sent me to a straight porn site, my god, pictures of a guy fucking a girl are so fucking WRONG
squish303: it's like, "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING"
crazytenor1: I agree! I much prefer to watch a girl fucking a girl

MadDogJ9: you're such a pussy fucker
squish303: where did that come from
MadDogJ9: I dont kow I felt the need to insult you

"There is a condom machine in the mens room on the first floor of our library here. Now what the fuck is up with that? What does the administration here think we come to the library to do, fornicate? Especially at Hopkins. Sheesh. "I best get me a Trojan, cause that hot little pre-med on D Level be lookin' at me all like she want to get some orgasmic chemistry goin' on. I don't think so." --Josh Rosenthal

"Hey, Sarah is suffocating tinky winkie with her boobs." - Jose
....
"Who is this sarah? She sounds like the type of girl I would like to get to know...." - Dan

"The voices keep telling me to reach out and grab her ass, but then i remember what a sexual harrassment suit can do to me."
-fred

"Squish, can you spot me some money for gummie boobs?"
- Josh Rosenthal, in Provincetown

"There's just something about talking to you, [Squish], that makes me want to urinate."
- Scott Mccray

Me: "When I bite into a york peppermint pattie, I get the sensation of a thousand arctic penguins running up my ass. [pause] Want one?"
Joe: "I don't know..."

"Oh my god there were so many gorgeous girls there. I was fucking in heaven. Or, rather, I WISH I'd been fucking in heaven. As it is, I was just in heaven."
- Josh Rosenthal

"Peter Piper pushed and probed his pickled pecker. He poked his peck and packed a peck of poop. How many pounds of poop did Peter Piper pack?" - me

"Isn't it amazing how quickly our conversation just progressed from stripping to the nature of the universe?" - me
"Well aren't they the same thing?" - kathy, co-worker

"Lighten the fuck up."
- Josh Rosenthal

"I'd feel weird if like my great uncle came into the bathroom just after I got out of the shower and said 'That's a mighty fine tool ya got there sonny, lemme have a squeeze of that.'"
- Josh Rosenthal

[in friendly's]
chris: are you gonna eat your pickle?
squish: no
chris: can i have it?
squish: no
chris: why?
squish: i don't feel like revealing that information at this time
todd: [looking up] what are we talking about?
judy: chris wants squish's pickle
squish: hey, yeah, chris, you can eat my pickle! (picks up pickle, holds erect, strokes up and down, then puts on chris's plate)
todd: now he won't eat it cause you put your hands all over it
squish: so?
todd: well your hands are dirty
squish: well i'm eating judy's sundae with her own used spoon, aren't i?
todd: yeah but you're not sucking on her hand
...
chris: you know i'm just not going to eat this just because if i do you'll all never stop saying i ate squish's pickle.
...
todd: what are you doing?
squish: i'm eating my pickle. can't i eat my own pickle?
todd: yeah but your hands were all over it...