gAY QUOtES

newish:

Sam: so are you having hot gay sex with your online friend?

Squish: no, because i'm fat.  when i'm thin again, i can go have romping gay sex with whoever i want.

Sam: I stay fat and out of shape just so I don't accidently have gay sex

"Well how was I supposed to know there was going to be shit up my ass."

-Anonymous

"replace 'sanding grinder' with 'belt sander.'  don't ever try to write about power tools you fudgepacking homo."

-josh rosenthal

"Straight white men are the plain vanilla in the ice cream parlor of life."
-- Sean Hayes

"Well I don't think anyone is bad -- not us, not them. What they are is, they're dumb. Instead of good and bad, what it is, is we're smart and they're dumb. They just don't understand how life works. But we can show them. And that's our job in the world."
--Peter Ian Cummings on antigay conservatives

[squish kisses jen (simpson)]
jen: "ooo you have soft kissy lips."
josh (rosenthal): "can i have a kiss too?"
squish: "you really want me to kiss you. here, in front of all these witnesses?"
josh: "hey, i'm drunk and high, why not."
squish: "okaayy..."
josh: "Ooo you *DO* have soft kissy lips!"

"if i get 3 quotes in your gay list, i'm meritoriously promoted to 'gay.' can't let that happen"
-andy's 2nd gay quote

"i think you just made your second gay quote by stating you can't have more than 3 gay quotes."
-squish
"F*&k, sh&t, D@#n!!!! ... do me a favor and don't make that the 3rd one."
-andy's third gay quote

"no no i'm really handsome, all the lesbians love me."
-david

"what's with gay 'pride'? what is there to be proud about? the fact that i suck dick instead of pussy? what's so special about that? do straight people go around declaring their 'straight pride'? of course not; being gay is just a part of life. screw gay pride. celebrate gay indifference!"
-squish

"i spent the night with the HOTTEST guy last night!  it's a good thing he's my BF... otherwise, i would've been in trouble."  --scoots

"Don't worry everyone!  This isn't domestic abuse!  I'm gay!" -squish

"It's not like he'll notice I'm not there."
"Can't be sure... i read someplace that infants respond to things even while still in the womb.  for instance, tension and discord affect them adversely, while playing motzart and stuff like that make them super smart."
"Well how do you think listening to the sound of two dykes going down on eachother for the past nine months has affected him.  Christ, he'll probably grow up to be straight."

"All the more reason why he needs his dad!"

--from Queer as Folk, season1

Mother: [uncomfortably]: We used to share things.  We... enjoyed eachother.  But now I, uh, talk to him, he slams the door and runs the other way... and he lies.  Says he's spending the night at Daphne's but I know he's not.  and I found things.

Psychiatrist: what sort of things?

Mother: Um, drawings, sketches, that he did, of... men... naked.  I just have... to know...

Psychiatrist: ...if justin might be gay.

Mother: [uncomfortable sigh]... He's only 17.  He's too young to be having these feelings, to... Justin, how can you possibly know NOW who you are?

Psychiatrist: Justin, do you have anything to say?

Justin: [pause]... I like dick...  I wanna get fucked by dick.  I wanna suck dick...  I like sucking dick.  ...And I'm GOOD at it too. [now smiling]

Psychiatrist: Well... that's a start.

--Queer as Folk, Season1, Ep5


oldish:

"i get gay guys looking for escorts... because of the car i drive...and i have to tell them 'No, Ford Escort.' It's a good thing I don't drive that Chevy Dirtyslut anymore."
-andy davis

"I'm not gay; I'm british!"
--from Just Shoot Me

"In a frivolous vein it struck me that I wouldn't mind being gay, except for the part where you have sex with a man."
-Colin McEnroe, Men's Health article

"Anal sex is so wrong. It's like, that's an exit only. It's not a rotating door. Stuff comes out, nothing should go in."
-rebecca sosville

"Eddie, I've been thinkin' about something. I think you were checkin' out my butt the other day....Look, I don't have anything against homos, I mean you are what you are, right? And it's ok if you look at my butt. It's a nice butt. I know that."
--from Threesome

"Hmmm... your pictures in your "me" section. The first two remind me of someone else I know. It's just strange because the other person I know happens to be a lesbian. Weirdness. (You look good though.) --judy hwang

"Bombs are flying... people are dying... children are crying, politicians are lying too. Cancer is killing... Texaco's spilling... the whole world's gone to hell but how are you? I'm super! Thanks for asking. All things considered I couldn't be better I must say! I'm feeling super, no nothing bugs me, everything is super when you're -- don't you think I look cute in this hat?" -- Big Gay Al, South Park the movie

"There are only three types of people who will tell you they're 100% secure about their masculinity. Idiots, liars, and lesbians."
- Sam

"Any decent man you ever get is gonna find out you're half dyke and RUN."
- Gen's Mom

"I kissed a girl" - me
nauf: "what'd you go and do that for?"

"How long have you been gay?" - Billy

Gen: "Mom, there's something i have to tell you."
Gen's sister: "She's either pregnant or gay."
Gen: "Well, I'm NOT pregnant."

"I think I'm getting back into Dungeons and dragons... I'm actually considering living at college soon, too. Matt says it's much better... Oh, by the way, I'm gay. And oh! I'm finally getting a new computer soon. Can't WAIT. Video games and 3D programs and MIDI programming.... My cousin Jeremy says there are these computer shows where if you buy the parts separately, you can get a computer for like 30-40% of what you'd pay in a store..."
- an excerpt from my coming out letter to my 5-year best friend

[first conversation with sam after he's read this letter]: "I really don't know what to think. This is very disturbing. How could this happen? I'm sorry but I really don't think I can be friends anymore with someone who's getting back into dungeons and dragons... This so revolting! I mean being gay is one thing, but this?..."

"I'm gay"
"Jesus and I was just going to tell you about the stupid baseball game I went to last night..."
- bev

"Okay guys, listen up. There's something I have to tell you... I'm game! Er, I mean, gaelic! I mean, gay!" - line in my coming out email to my lexington friends; thought up by sam

"It's really okay [that I'm gay]? I mean, this isn't going to be like, I'm evil and going to hell and everything?" - Me
"Well that's, like, everyone." - Jen

"Being gay is not living any type of lifestyle (at least not for me). It simply pertains to my sexual orientation. I am sexually attracted to guys. That's it. It's life, not a lifestyle!"
- Scott Penziner

"I was told, when ordered to immediately sever all official ties with the BSA [Boy Scouts of America], that my lifestyle did not meet the traditional family values the BSA is trying to promote. Since when are bigotry, prejudice, intolerance and discrimination 'traditional family values'?"
- a former boy scout den leader dismissed because of sexual orientation

[waiting for a movie to start, OUT OF NOWHERE]: "You know, if I stuck my hand down my pants and then grabbed some of the popcorn you probably wouldn't even mind, would you?"
- Joe Gryglik

"...girls, on the other hand, are very hard to get, let alone have sex with, and that's why it pisses half of you off that they flock to us like moths to a flame. Except that we don't burn them to death on contact, and they can't fly."
- me

"Faggot, faggot... do you hate him cause he's pieces of you?"
- Jewel

"A really sexy lesbian could just sit around all day and play with her breasts. Wow, that would be cool. If I had one wish, that would be it. I want to be an incredibly sexy lesbian."
- Sam