fUN & rANdOM

newish:

"Quote me or the dog gets it!"
-andy, in a desperate yet oddly successful attempt to get quoted

OMG!!! ROTGDMFFLMGDMFAOPIMGDP!!!!

Joshabunga: i was being sarcastic, you dumb fuck

SquishToGo: i was being a dumbass, you dumb fuck

"squish is god.  and i will be agnostic till i have proof u are alive..."

-gary (obsessed fan)

WHEN A BALL DREAMS, IT DREAMS IT'S A FRISBEE

WHEN A FRISBEE DREAMS, IT DREAMS IT'S AN AEROBIE

--??

"have you seen that dumb guy with the beard and polo shirt that is in alll those cleaner infomercials? lke orange glow and kaboom... ya he wants to kill me, my pops told me... or was it the rice krispies? No.. it was the rice krispies they said, "snap krackle, the guy with the beard from the kaboom commercial wants you dead" -gary

"Parents... they're nice people to visit, but I wouldn't want to live with them."

-Amie Silva

My greatest dissapoinment is that they never did tell me how to get to Sesame Street.

"i'm so busy i'm don't even have time to hang out with myself."

-sunshine

"what do we need joy at the store for?  can't you get that at church?"

-my brother paul to our mother, looking at the family grocery list

aibohphobia: the fear of palindromes

typophboia: the fear of typos

phobiaphobia: the fear of phobias

D-phobia: the fear of all the above

"Good Morning, Mrs. Todd.  Would you mind holding my toothbrush in your mouth while I make a quick phone call?"

-Tact Department Item #22: How to tell your neighbor they have bad breath

"mommy, there's a balrog in my closet..."

-jen wasilko

SUICIDAL TWIN KILLS SISTER BY MISTAKE
-tagline

"talk to the elbow, 'cause you're not worth the extension."
-becca

"songwriters have been doing the verse/chorus thing forever. be a maverick. what's the point of a verse? to waste time to get to the chorus. what are we doing during the verse? we wait, we wait, we wait. just give us what we want, chorus chorus chorus!"
-from trick

"this product tested on friends and relatives, not animals."
-actual label on a soap bar (time to form NSPCFR!)

"well of COURSE i knew that you knew that i knew that you knew that. that goes without saying."
-jen wasilko

"wow, all of my laundry is going to be clean. this has never happened before."
-becca

"i'm actually remarkably easy to convince, so it shows that your lack of trying obviously has failed again."
-adam

"and if the earth goes on without us, and never thinks about us when we're gone, oh wouldn't that finally put us in our place?"
-dan hart

" 'Not enough attention is paid to the off-the-field motivators that create nasty on-field grudges,' Glanville revealed. 'I believe video game atrocities top the list. Curt Schilling assassinated my lovable Dwarf Paladin in EverQuest, happily smiling as his character stood in the safety of the town guards. That can create serious internal friction.' "
-baseball news article

"Tragedy is when I fall down a manhole and break my leg. Comedy is when you fall down a manhole and die."
-??

"There's no center to the universe."
-josh
"Sure there is. It's two feet to my left. I'm a little bit off center."
-dave

"It's been nonstop rain, rain, rain for the past two weeks here. Everything is drowning out there. Yet they say we need more rain, because the lake is low. Well, have they ever contemplated the possibility, that maybe Lake Erie is leaking? They should get a team of beavers in there to find the leaks and fix them, instead of bribing the darn weather gods ...wait. Maybe it's a plot by the rainmakers to make more money. Although, you'd think that they could make a killing off in California. Stupid forces of nature."
-nauf

"your hair tastes salty."
-david

"boy cooties make people jumpy and excited. i'm suffering from anti-boy cooties."
-jen

"i have a cute nose" -david
"it's a cool nose, but note cute." -jen
"it's a cute nose." -david

"i'm not sure you're secure in your femeninity, but whatever it is, you're secure in it."
-david

" 'Mu...' said Pooh, as he realized he was less than fluent in Klingon.
-tagline

"I mean, if ONE of her heads was fake, you gotta wonder, what else is she hiding?"
-The Urk Saga (lock your doors; rotate your mattresses; the urks are coming...)

"they've misunderestimated me"
-george w bush

Hazel [the cat] rushes back to Tigger's lair. "Give back the Crown Jewels or I'll blow you away with my AK," he says. Tigger laughs. "Bwah-Ha-Ha! Why should I be afraid of you?" Hazel looks courageously at his foe. "I am oranger than you will ever be. And softer too." "NOOOOO!!!" screams Tigger. But soon he sees the undeniable truth and the error of his ways. "I will give back the Crown Jewels," he says, "but I will be back. With a grander scheme and more orangeness than you could even imagine. You will rue the day you messed with Tigger. HISSSSS!!!"
-from hazel the cat's webpage (http://cpzone.tripod.com/orange/index.html)


oldish:

"I was driving behind a person who had a bumper sticker I found quite spiritual. It said "HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS." So I honked. She gave me the finger!"
--Loretta Laroche

"God, please save me from your followers."
-Bumper sticker

"My brothers?"
"Killed by the plauge."
"My dog Pongo?"
"Run over by a wagon."
"My goldfish goldie?"
"Eaten by the cat."
"My cat??"
"Choked on the goldfish."
--men in tights

"May Frisbus, son of Ultimus the Eternal, have mercy on his sinful soul..."
-- Iggy, envoking the God of Ultimate Frisbee

"You're way funnier than Adam Sandler... no wait, most people are." --Jon Supnik

"Are you trying to cheer me up?"
"No, sir, wouldn't think of it."
"Good. I hate being cheered up. It's depressing."
-Babylon 5

squish303: but what about the oysters? don't they have rights too?... not that elves DO live in southern boston, but you get the point....
TheMuffinMan79: yeah, that garfield, he's one funny komodo dragon. did you see the one with steve urkel?
...
squish303: holy martha mother of dog! good grace under fire! eegadzukes! how DARE you raise timmy from the dead without consulting the milkman!!
TheMuffinMan79: it's simple--he was never circumcized! the banker just has to trim his pubes a bit, and voila--the duck will be able to see once again!

"[The bald picture] makes you look kind of like an evil supervillian. This is a neutral comment. If you have aspirations of being or looking like a supervillain, go for it. You will, of course, need a super power."
--Todd

"When a ball dreams, it dreams it's a frisbee."
--unknown

"ROAD TO HAPPINESS: (Under Construction)"
-Ziggy

"And this awkward distance it grows between us, just makes me want to cry.
Because you promised we'd be together forever,
But now you're dead and i'm still alive.
And i think it's putting a strain on what we have...
-throwing toasters (http://www.throwingtoasters.com)

"When you send information over the internet, it might be possible for others to see that information. Do you want to continue?" --Internet Explorer Warning

"Well I've always said there's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not." --monty python skit

"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and i realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life." --office space

"I can't go away with you on a rock climbing weekend.
What if somethings on TV and it's never shown again?"
-lemonheads

"Dear IRS, I am writing to you to cancel my subscription. Please take my name off your mailing list." --Snoopy

"happy birthday, and congratulations for surviving 21 years... just think about the fact that you've already spent a quarter of your lifespan, and no one can take that away from you, cause i mean, what can they do? say "you're gonna take those years back, or else!" you're .25 of the way there! congrats" - fred, his second quote, and boy am I going to hear from him if I don't give him at least a third one soon... actually...

"Squish, I have a big problem with your page. I'm only quoted once."
--fred. there you go fred, there's your third quote. I hope you like it. I quoted it myself, just for you.

"If I was in the fridge, would you open the door?
If I was the grass, would you mow your lawn?
If I was your body, would you still wear clothes?
If I was a booger, would you blow your nose?
Where would you keep it? Would you eat it?
I'm just trying to give myself a reason for being around."
-lemonheads `

"Work is not a defined thing yet, when it is, it will be scheduled around frisbee."
-Mike Luhrs, seriously

"Real power is what you feel after deleting 175 useless messages from your mailbox, probably 168 of which were about frisbee. It's sort of like the feeling you have after leaving a 2-foot log in the bowl that takes 17 flushes to go down." -- Josh Rosenthal

"You know, I was thinking, If I was really frustrated or mad at something and wanted a moving target that was too stupid to hit back, the best candidate would be a cow in roller skates pushed from the top of a mild slope. And the cow would say, "mooo. mooooo. Moo... Moo? Moo! MOO! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo-----" -- Nauf

"You know it's kinda hard just to get along today. Our subject isn't cool but he fakes it anyway. He may not have a clue and he may not have style, but everything he lacks, well he makes up in denial!" --The Offspring

"It's really discouraging to find out that these 'Books for Dummies' are too advanced for me" -- Ziggy

"That's what it's all about."
- The Hokey Pokey

"I'd just left my history class, and I'd walked over to the train station while having a lovely conversation with a hideous girl. Oh well, nothing's perfect." - Dave Reynolds

"Never try to baptize a cat." - Brianne Dotts

"Did you know Russ before you met him?" - Becca

"Some of my friends are wondering what a squish is." - Rev

"A witty saying proves nothing." -- Voltaire

"Squish died in the mosh pit, guys; I swear, I didn't realize it was him."
- John Lisle

"The multiplayer functions are about the only use you get out of video games now. The actual games are too EASY. You just get the cheat codes and beat it and you're done."
- Jeremy Lee

"If water were beans,
I'd be 70% beans."
- a poem by Todd Harris

"...They mate frequently for three days and nights. This is the only involvement the male has in family life."
- PBS documentary on leopards

"Fred, I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop having so much fun." -Rev

[in public, in a "you're embarassing me" tone] "Squish, do you realize how stupid you look?... Can you do it again?"
- Josh Rosenthal

"Some people have new and interesting things happen to them every day."
"Sounds monotonous." - Garfield

"Yes, Fred is certainly playing with forces much more powerful than he can possibly imagine..." -- Iggy, on the matter of screwing with computer science majors in this growing information age

"If you make a mistake, then your confusion will be completely off."
- Prof. Mirie, Calc 3

"Repeat after me: I will not bring sheep to work. I will not eat things for money....I will not prescribe medication. I will not teach others to fly. I WILL listen to WAAF"
- WAAF commercial

"Cold; needs more sugar."
-- John Lisle, as he brings his 1/3-full cup of cofee down from his mouth and pours his seventh packet of sugar into it

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!
I'VE BEEN SQUISHED!!!! Counterattack with NAUF now!! Naufinate!"
- Nauf

"Well, it's 2:32 and *I* feel weird too. Then again, I also felt weird at 2:31 and 2:30. 2:29 wasn't as weird, but 2:28, DAMN, that was a WEIRD minute."
- Josh Rosenthal

[Late night, after talking about a breakup]: "It's weird. I feel weird. What time is it? Is it that damn weird minute?!"
- Sam

"I believe that if a person truly seeks enlightenment in their heart, they will be able to find it somehow, in some way that is right for them. To quote South Park..."
- Josh Rosenthal