There once was an A&F Korn fan
Who would kill for a KKK boy band
Being jock-nazi riddled
He eventually settled
On modeling for Fisher Corbin
There once was a serial killer
As incompetent as Hellen Keller
He left for a tramphouse
Ended up at a sandbox
And accidentily raped poor Johnny Miller
There once was a webmaster maverick
Who realized he'd quite mispelt "limerick"
But got so many hits
He just left it unfixed
For the rancid retarded illiterate
There once was a bipolar jelly bean
Named Licorish Cyanide Kiwi Cream
Who requited his dream
At Ground Babies N' Cream
When he realized he couldn't be everything
I was tortured, gave in, and admitted
That I once broke the limirick template
And if I die before I learn to speak
I'll never regret that I didded it
(by Josh Rosenthal, '99ish)
There was a CS dude named Iggy
Who was wacky and quite tall and twiggy
He loved his computers
Still hasn't touched hooters
But Iggy will someday get jiggy
(by Squish, '99ish)
There once was a limerist named Joshabunga
Who wrote a friend's limerick to the list called kapunga
Iggy's jaw will drop wide
From cold shattered pride
And he'll jump off a bridge -- cowabunga!
(by Josh Rosenthal, '99ish)
There once was a jockboy named Kevin
Who liked to stay out past Eleven
He threw the friz well
And we all sure could tell
That when around him, Squish was in heaven
The Genesis of Youth
You breathe your very first breath
Lost in a timeless dream
Of light mists, and pale amber rose
Here, with me
Throw your troubled past to the wind like dandelion seeds
You were meant for more than a wasted life
As an ugly tramp street whore
Pedro pimping you out like a Walgreens porn clerk
During a special on Cheese Slut Pringles
...with real bodily fluids
...and RGB monitor inverse color schemes
It's a new day, baby
Do not go gentle into the eerie forsaken oblivion
Of middle and old age
When you're young, you're gold
(That's an old Abercrombie & Fitch ad campaign slogan)
Rage, rage, against the dying of the light of youth
There's worlds and worlds ahead
When you're a weak, vulnerable thirteen year old
We're gonna move to Boston
We're gonna start a new life
We'll see the world
The pyramids, the oceans, the snow-covered mountains
That are slightly more useful than normal mountains
In the magic the gathering Ice Age series
It'll just take time
A whole lot of precious time
But time is the fire in which we burn
I promise we'll die contented
In a packed, underfunded state nursing home
Raging against the dying of the light of youth
Two homeless teenage drag queens deserve the universe.
The Cow...A Raven Parody (by Edgar Allan Poe)...by FF3-Edgar Allanon Squish
Once upon a midnight corny, while I flipped, hot and horny,
Through many a quaint and curious volume of porn galoor,
While I stared, intensely drooling, suddenly there came a mooing,
What was anybody doing, doing at my chamber door?
"Tis some farm animal," I muttered, "mooing at my chamber door--
Only this, and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember I was staring at Miss December,
My entire playboy collection layed scattered accross the floor.
Eagerly I flipped the pages, girls in frills and girls in cages,
Till I came to the contagious, dazzling Lenore --
The rare and radiant model whom Playboy named Lenore --
Just a whore, but so much more --
And the silken see-through dress (Were those real? Who could guess),
Thrilled me--filled me with fantastic feelings never felt before;
I would have the privacy I was needing, so about the sound, I kept repeating,
"Tis some farm animal entreating entrance at my chamber door;--
This it is, and nothing more."
But the sound grew annoyingly stronger; so, hesitating then no longer,
"Cow," said I, "please, your departure I implore."
But the cow, he kept on mooing. I thought, "this cow I should be shooing --
A pot of trouble, he is brewing, mooing at my chamber door."
And so I opend wide the door --
The cow was there, and nothing more.
"Cow," I said, "you must be going. Surely you stand there fully knowing,
That my irritation is quickly growing, for I have much to do."
And with that, I waved my hand goodbye, but it just stood, I don't know why,
And gave me only one reply, about my urging him to shoo.
Quoth the cow, "MOO."
And so I raged at this unwelcome guest: "Get off my land you bloated pest!
I'm trying to concentrate on Lenore's sweet breast, and all the others' too!"
"You stubborn creature, why, how DARE! REMOVE your fatass from my lair!"
He just gave a dumb retarded stare, and let out a little poo.
"Blasted beast, remove your filthy poo!!"
Quoth the cow, "MOO"
At this I ran and got my gun, and blew the beast to kingdom come!
At last, his lazy days were done, the pest would moo no more.
And having slain the festering beast, I roasted him up in a grandiose feast!
"He made a tastey meal, at least; now back to sweet Lenore!"
And back I went to my sweet darlings, and drooled over my Lenore.
And the cow harassed me--nevermore.