oh klondike bar, what would i do for you?
would i stand on one foot (Pride) and act like a monkey
on the sidewalk for all to laugh at?
would i care if they cared --
if it was for you?

oh klondike bar, what would i do for you?
would i endure stuffing your gross (Gluttony)
lard into my body, just to swallow your heavenly
290 calories and 20 grams of fat?
would i forsake my homework to (Sloth)
sit on my fat ass and devour you --
again and again --
plopped on a cumfy couch?

oh, soft white angelic being
wrapped in smooth chocolate,
my mother (Honor thy father and mother)
will bring home six of you from the grocery store
...for a family of five.
then begins the treachery.
four get one, one gets none,
two remain.
now, our morals are suspended for a time
like desperate, desperate druggies.
like hungry, hungry hippos.
there are no rules...
"hey, where'd they all go?"
"hey, that one [Thou shalt not steal] was mine!"
"hey, you [Envy! Anger! Greed!] got the last one!"
bibs!  beasts!  barbarity!

oh klondike bar!  what would i do for you?
would i strip?
would i steal?
would i Kill?

what would i sacrifice?
what would i flush?
what Sins would i summon?  
what Creeds would i crush?

what would You do for a klondike bar?