JELLY BEANS THAT JELLY BELLY
SHOULD ADD TO THEIR COLLECTION

captain crunch
pepto bismol
nicorette
apple-cinamon rice cakes
moldy orange
vanilla ice
meat loaf
spilt milk
lowell tap water
lasagna
new england clam chowder
alpo
starbucks coffee (line of 20 specially flavored jelly beans, but not
one of them tastes like regular coffee)

air
movie-theatre buttered popcorn (it costs seven times as much as the
normal buttered popcorn jelly beans)

tardar sauce
orange metamucil
the viagra jellybean
ginseng extract
the total corn flakes jelly bean (15 have 100% of 12 daily vitamins
and minerals)

grape dimetap

unproccessed bran
dirt
absolute vodka
the "i can't believe it's not a jelly bean!" jelly bean
the big mac jelly bean
buttered lobster
fingernail clippings
ketchup (for the big mac jelly bean)
toasted eggos (leggo my jelly bean!)
wheat jerm
strawberry quick
the sweet taste of revenge
chex mix
crab rangoon
frosted flakes (the jelly bean adults have GROWN to love!)
human flesh
lathered soap
squishy tofu
spam
eggs, sausage and spam
spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, eggs sausage and spam
low-sodium V8
non-dairy creamer
bread
listerine
roasted bufalo carcass
the "leftover alcohol taste in your mouth the morning after" jelly bean
lip balm
fluff
great woods spring water ($2.75 for one jelly bean)
grape nuts
pot
waxed denal floss
the taste of kissing cindy crawford
the taste of kissing brad pitt
the slim-fast jelly bean (just eat a handful for breakfast and lunch and then a sensible dinner!)
vinegar
aquafresh toothpaste
tangerine dream
the star wars jelly bean (tastes like the tofu jelly bean but the name alone will sell billions)
the self-esteem jelly bean (it's what's on the inside that counts)
the philosophical jelly bean (you can't ever be sure whether or not they actually exist)
the neglectful father jelly bean (they're never there)
the "waiter there's a fly on my jellybean!" jelly bean

and lastly...

the "taste of blood in your mouth just after getting hit by a big fat guy named carl whom you started a fight with because he insulted your short, red-haired, flakey, but still pretty hot girlfriend lisa, who, being a very radical feminist, actually now thinks you're an unintelligent egotistical male pig show-off for starting the fight, which you don't know yet but will completely kick yourself over later because this guy is ten times bigger than you and now you're going to get the shit beat out of you AND lose your girlfriend" jelly bean.

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