squish7 / laughs
BEYOND HORIFICALLY RANDOM
squish303: oh go fuck yourself
squish303: i told you, i'm not pregnant, now scram
TheMuffinMan79: ejsy yjr givl str upi pm???
squish303: no, the radishes are imported. they taste just
like the ones i used to eat back in my military days.
TheMuffinMan79: brijck snooken mavivsnitch.
squish303: *sigh*.... i do love him so, but i'm afraid i just
can't deal with his algergies to yanni and microsoft
software coffee mugs
TheMuffinMan79: but WHY won't my fucking code compile?!
am i leaving out a semicolon??
squish303: you're leaving out more than that my friend.
you're leaving out all the rich flavor by removing the folgers'
crystals references in your static functions.
TheMuffinMan79: dammit--forgot my condoms!
squish303: why worry about condums when there are
self-referencing reference manuals?
TheMuffinMan79: nah, you won't be able to warm up the car in
squish303: but what about the oysters? don't they have
TheMuffinMan79: that much caffeine inhibits your ability to get
an erection, and it'll make your pee smell funny
squish303: i find your lack of morale disturbing. you could
even go as far as to say that it's in fact completely
squish303: not that elves DO live in southern boston, but
you get the point.
TheMuffinMan79: oh totally--i've felt that way about brussels
sprouts since my formative years.
squish303: that's great, but i can't seem to stretch my
fingers to get this Cmaj7 flat 9 chord.... could you help and
put your finger on that kiwi for me?
TheMuffinMan79: as soon as you turn off your alarm clock, so
help me, i'll fillet your goldfish
squish303: and the myth that diet dr pepper tastes more
like regular dr pepper is just an old wives tale. it actually
tastes more like regular dr smith.
TheMuffinMan79: so when are you gonna be on shore leave?
want to hit the junkyard after you're debriefed?
squish303: well, that depends on a number of things,
including whether lucy shoves kermit down the garbage
disposal in time to save the car from exploding.
TheMuffinMan79: huh? no, i never sang with domingo OR
squish303: GOD, is it THAT hard? just shove the diskette
up the priest's ass and DON'T WORRY about the
demon-summoning chants he's mumbling.
squish303: he couldn't fit into a pair of her panties anyway.
TheMuffinMan79: yeah, that garfield, he's one funny komodo
dragon. did you see the one with steve urkel?
squish303: no but i can fix a GREEN
semi-biocatalyctic-transfunctioner, as long as the cow
doesn't take a shit on noah wyle. does that count?
TheMuffinMan79: of course it doesn't! since when has
mountain dew been pink?! cows have ALWAYS taken a shit in
YOUR mouth, buddy.
squish303: holy martha mother of dog! good grace under
fire! eegadzukes! how DARE you raise timmy from the
dead without consulting the milkman!!
TheMuffinMan79: it's simple--he was never circumcized! the
banker just has to trim his pubes a bit, and voila--the duck will be
able to see once again!
squish303: once, i was young and punctual, and would
have agreed with your cashier's stripper, but alas, the
smiley faces are stained with blood, and nothing shall ever
be the same. except on tuesdays.
TheMuffinMan79: eventually, though, the red sox will win--oh,
yes, they will--and it will be a glorious day in abu dhabi when they
see their war-torn heroes come home and defecate on the parade
squish303: beatles, snot, it's all the same. did you ever
even CONSIDER your banker's feelings? what if she
doesn't WANT to be dug out of her grave, wrapped in
plastic wrap, and re-buried
TheMuffinMan79: but his ass is a cd-rom drive, not a floppy
drive. that's why the integration didn't work--you forgot to divide
by sin x. can't get a good cheesesteak anywhere these days.
squish303: of all the corderoy pants in southern ohio, none
has ever had the audacity to question my authority, so i
don't see how you conclude that ostioperosis leads to
more than three typos per page.
TheMuffinMan79: but the raspberry-flavored books always
have the most pictures, especially the ones you get at chinese
restaurants--they sell them to you heavily discounted too
squish303: but if alice in chains were named "the three
yodling toasters sent by god himself on a quest to stop all
redundant campaigning to stop bestiality", no one EVER
would have sent them the tomato paste that they bathe in
TheMuffinMan79: when jerry springer first came up with the
cardinals, he only played forward--but after his promotion to chief
jizzmopper, they gave him more sysadmin duties, including
cleaning the counter after iron chef was done with his act
squish303: i know. in mean, just last year i was fumbling
through my stacks of underhanded street signs, and none
impressed me more than the big ones. you know, like
those big ripe red-- things-- they grow and tell you to swap
for original shakespeare manuscripts.
TheMuffinMan79: (okay, i gotta go make dinner now, but this
was one fucking awesome conversation! i feel like we really
connected in a way, you know?)
squish303: ah yes, those were the days, when turnips were
feared by all rodents of unusual size, and daises made
everything seem smaller, somehow.
squish303: go make your dinner, and don't forget to stuff
TheMuffinMan79: i think this conversation is worthy of your
squish303: what, ANOTHER bogus business deal? sorry, i
lost count at 374