Squish Bio

Previously, on Squish 7...

In the beginning of time, a very abnormal human being is born on 6.20.1979, with twenty toes and fourteen kidneys--who will eventually find out he has severe ADD / schizo / bipolar / chronic compulsive mongular disexcruciating monofrania. He will spend all of gradeschool being cruelly tormented by jocks and even the nerds that are more popular than him, and spend all of high school in meaningles distraction, spending lit-ter-al-ly nine hours a night on homework, which will continue in college, rendering much of his life utterly wasted and meaningless.

He becomes a cool funny gay compsci/music major in college and after with plenty of friends, addicted to ultimate frisbee, who drops out when bipolar hits him, spending the next eight utterly wasted years with now two severe disorders, trying to find the proper dosages of expresso, antihistimines, and gatorade, that will make his life bearably worth living. But this also gives him creativity, productive mania, and a Tardis to visit a zillion cool other planets and other planes of existence that no "normies" get to visit, and hence is hospitalized a nifty five or so times, all proving he has the talent to become an Einstein or at least the next big gay serial killer.

Today, Squish is still leeching off disability and living with his parents in his late twenties, but in all other ways is a productive functional member of society . He is professionally recording his second album, writing an (online) philosphy thesis that would change everything if he just had a phD to let people know "Now you know I'm smart, now read my freaking stuff," and is well into a new book and screenplay, quite surprisingly about a comical ADD-schizo teenager (please offer to read and comment!). Squish often notes that in a slightly different environment he could be getting paid for all this, arguing he's not as disfunctional and psychotic as the gremlins in his closet keep telling him he is.

For the conclusion, log in at least every other day to S7.

Pass the ketchup I'm gay
[a coming out technique actually used by some]

There are only three types of people who will tell you they're 100% secure about their masculinity. Idiots, liars, and lesbians.
-- Sam

Being gay is a lot like being straight, except you only have 5% of the population to date, and you spend a good fraction of your life in a cheasy metaphorical closet. People think we come out of them because we want people to know who we really are and don't want to hide anymore, yadda yadda yadda, but it's not that at all. Honestly? it's claustrophobia. It's gets dark and scary after awhile in those little cramped metaphorical places, you know. Who's idea was this "closet" anyway? Why couldn't we have a small gorgeous personal island off the coast of hawaii instead of a closet? "Yeah he's gay but don't tell anyone, he's still on the island." I never would have "come out" if i'd had my own island.

Anyway, being in a closet and not on an island, I decided it was too stuffy and wanted to come out and get some air. This bold decision changed my life. I had written my best friend Sam a humorous coming out letter; I know you think that's lame, but screw you... Anyway I was on a high for days being able to say to another lifeform "hey that guy has a nice ass." Before that, my feelings were -- to throw in yet another metaphor -- painfully "bottled up." On a certain level i knew all my friends would be supercool with it, but for some reason even thinking about pondering the idea of considering raising a point that had anything to do with the topic of me being a fudgepacker was completely out of the question. As a result, I lived painfully alienated from an important piece of myself locked away in a tight bottle sitting on a shelf in a dark closet on some obscure lost hawaiian island. Until of course, I "popped the cork."

After I popped out to sam, I popped out to all of my other friends over a half year, who were mostly ubercool about it. Two of my favorite responses were "Hey, we're so 90's, we have a gay friend now, kickass!!" and (in response to "it's really okay that i'm gay? this isn't going to be like, i'm evil and going to hell and everything?"), "Well, that's like, everyone." Oh, and "How long have you been gay?"

I had a whole bunch of cuddly gay friends in college which instilled me with buckets of gay pride, which ironically I think is the stupidest thing ever; what is there to be proud about? That I suck dick instead of pussy? Wow I got that guy off in under three minutes, I am so proud of myself that I'm weeping... If we should be proud of being gay, then we might as well be proud of our loitering skills or prostate issues. Also, I think we're narcissitic bastards for stealing the rainbow as our flag. Go give it to someone more worthy like a male dog who squats down and pees like a girl. Freaking screw gay pride. I celebrate gay indiference.